


love me at my worst

by Buttterr



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: BAMF Bella Swan, F/M, Past Alice Cullen/ Jasper Hale, Past Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Post-New Moon, i lost a competition and this is my punishment, the friend i'm writing this for doesn't like angst. we'll see., there shouldn't be angst in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26336074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttterr/pseuds/Buttterr
Summary: She looked deeply into his eyes. They had stopped dancing, standing somewhere in the middle of the dancefloor. He didn’t move, and neither did she. Her emotions were pure, he could feel that she was being honest. She was nervous, but not scared. She wasn’t scared. “I was never scared of you, Jasper.”No one had ever been so honest with him.No one had ever not been afraid of him, or of him making a mistake. He was used to fear being directed at him. But this, this was a first.He blinked involuntarily.“Thank you, Bella.”She beamed.....They meet again at a wedding.
Relationships: Jasper Hale/Bella Swan
Comments: 34
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I lost a competition with my friend, and the loser has to write a chapter of a fanfiction of the winner’s choice. So, here is chapter one of my competition loss fic lmao. This is not beta read.

**I lost a competition with my friend, and the loser has to write a chapter of a fanfiction of the winner’s choice. So, here is chapter one of my competition loss fic lmao. This is not beta read.**

“I still don’t know why you insisted that we come as a family, Alice.” Jasper stepped from the car, fidgeting with his tie.

“Stop playing with it.” Esme scolded, getting out of the car and smoothing her dress. “We came as a family because we Dr. Martin asked us to.”

“We could have come up with an excuse.” Jasper crossed his arms over his chest, his bottom lip jutting out. He was nervous.

“Jasper, you’ll be okay. I know you’re nervous, but you’ve been more controlled that you’ve ever been. Give yourself a break, live a little, and enjoy the wedding reception.” Esme said.

“Besides, I don’t see anything happening. And we have to do out best to make a good impression on Dr. Diego.”

Jasper didn’t say it, but it didn’t comfort him that Alice hadn’t seen anything happen. He didn’t put quite as much faith into her visions as everyone else, these days. Still, he appreciated the sentiment.

“Thank you again, for inviting my family to the ceremony.” Carlisle’s voice slipped in through the murmurs of the humans around them. “They should be right outside.”

Jasper didn’t need to feel her emotions to see her brighten. Her smile became immediately more relaxed, her posture straightened slightly, and her eyes shone a little brighter.

“There they are!” Carlisle, who had been busy settling into his new job and hadn’t been home in a while, also visibly brightened upon seeing Esme. He sent her a dazzling smile, before smiling at Jasper and Alice too. “Dr. Martin, this is my wife, Esme, and our children Alice and Jasper.”

“My my! How nice to finally meet you!” Dr Martin greeted. He could not have been older than 55, but it was clear that he had earned his position as the head surgeon at Carlisle’s new hospital. “I’ve heard all about you from Carlisle. My name is Diego Martin. Please call me Martin here, it is my daughter’s wedding! No need for formalities. Carlisle, that means you too.” The man let out a deep belly laugh, one that reminded him of Emmett. He should call him. He could use a wrestling match. He shook Dr. Martin’s hand. He didn’t even tense. Alice sent him a proud smile.

“Carlisle, when you were telling me about your family you failed to mention the pure beauty of your wife and daughter. And your son! What a handsome man. How old are they, anyway? Why, you don’t look a day over 25! Surely you’re not old enough to have children in their 20s!”

Carlisle chuckled. He was posing as a man of 35 this time around, and they had still decided to go with the adoption story.

“Jasper here is 21, and Alice is 19. We adopted them when they were small children.” He gave a gentle smile.

“Ah, I see! Well, what a wonderful family. Please, this way!” Dr. Martin kissed Alice and Esme’s hands before leading them through the grand entrance into an elegant ballroom. There were two many people. Jasper didn’t mind, not really. He was well under control, but he was still socially inept and hated small talk.”  
  


“You’ll be fine.” Esme whispered. He sent her a smile.

“This is your table, for dinner. Feel free to wander about, but make sure you eat here for dinner. We had some other people with diet restrictions, so this is diary free zone!”

“Thank you, Dr. Martin. We appreciate your willingness to work with my daughters intolerance.”

Dr. Martin slapped Carlisle on the back, with enough strength to surprise Carlisle, though it obviously didn’t hurt, Carlisle still gave a face stumble forward. For appearances. “Diego, Carlisle, please. And it truly was not a problem. Now, I need to make some rounds so please, enjoy the party!”

“He seems nice.” Esme said, taking her seat. “And I’m so glad we don’t have to consume dairy.

“I wish we didn’t have to eat anything at all.” Jasper grumbled. One of the reasons he had started college this time around, instead of high school, was the increasing awareness of their lack of eating. It made more sense to not eat on a college campus, than it did high school.

Esme sighed, “I agree, but it is better to not have dairy, than to have it.”

“I agree.” Alice nodded heavily. “Too bad Emmett isn’t here. I love watching him scarf human food down.” She and jasper giggled, remembering the last time that had happened.

Emmett and Rosalie had been happy to avoid the wedding when the had heard about it. Though, they wouldn’t have been invited, anyway, because this time they did not exist in the construct of their false identities. They were on an extended honeymoon in Europe. Though, the house was far quieter than anyone was used to, they even missed Edwards endless brooding. Or may Jasper didn’t as much miss the moods.

Jasper and Alice were playing a game of hangman on one of the spare papers on the table, and he was giving it his best try, but damn was it hard playing games against a seer, whether she was trying not to look or not. He was hoping she wouldn’t guess ‘a.’

“A.” She said.

“Cheater.” He mumbled, filling in the correct letters. Esme watched with a quirked smile while Carlisle made more rounds with his coworker.

She looked at the paper, her finger on her chin, trying to scan through every word in the English language. It was a shirt one, but she had only one leg left before she lost. “Jazz.” She finally said.

He grumbled, filling in the two z’s. “I didn’t cheat, Jasper.” She gloated. “Esme, do you want to play?”

“Maybe after dinner.” Esme smiled, before standing and making her way to the washroom.

“What time is dinner again?” Jasper asked, checking his watch. Time dragged when they were with humans.

“Ten minutes. The bride is making her entrance soon.” She said. “Then it’s speeches and cheers then food. You ready?”

“I guess.” Alice laughed, before scribbling her game of hangman out.

Three minutes later and the music changed from a modern mix to traditional wedding style music and everyone stood. Esme and Carlisle both slipped back to their table, nodding their heads at their new table mates of three humans who they hadn’t said a word too, just as the bride and groom entered the room to applause. The bride was a beautiful girl, with her brown hair tried elegantly into some sort of bun, and a dress that made her features pop. The groom was smitten, his eyes never leaving her face. They waved, paused for a moment for pictures before continuing forward.

Jasper was utterly shocked as the bridal party made their way in. The first bridesmaid, who had her arm linked through a much taller man, had her face partially obstructed, but it did nothing to mask the sweet, familiar scent of freesia that drifted toward their table. Jasper and Carlisle exchanged a shocked expression, before Jasper turned his head toward Alice, who had a smug smile plastered on her face as she demurely clapped her hands.

“Did you know Bella would be here?” Esme hissed, not maliciously but the sound was still surprising coming from her mouth.

“Yes.” Alice responded simply. Jasper shook his head. He knew she had been hiding something from him since they had moved here.

Bella, who looked stunning in the elegantly deep purple bridesmaid dress, passed them without even glancing at their table before taking her spot beside the bride. “I think she’s the maid of honor.” Alice said.

The crowd was seated, and Jasper was pleased and relieved to see that their table was obstructed from the line of sight of the bridal party. They didn’t need some strange reveal. He’d rather not be seen by Bella at all, actually. “Don’t run, Jasper. Just trust me.”

He nodded stiffly but narrowed his eyes. “I wish you would just share these things with us.”

“But that’s no fun.” She whispered back. Esme sent them a glare and hushed them. Bella stood proudly at the microphone, ready to deliver a speech. He listened carefully but was blown back by the sound of her voice. He hadn’t heard it in so long, the effect it had on him was shocking. He immediately felt the old guilt well up in him.

“Hey, Everyone.” She said, a bright smile on her face. It had been seven years since they had left her. She had grown beautifully, and it seemed his family thought so too. “I can’t believe this day is finally here! After two years of postponing the date.” She laughed when the groom said, ‘Shut up bella!’ “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I kid, I kid. Truly, I am so happy to be here with you all, to share this special day with you and to celebrate my two best friends. Truly, Liliana and Nick, I am so happy for you. I feel like it was just yesterday that it was sophomore year, I was studying on the quad with Lily and suddenly a ball was hitting her head and I was being tripped over by some weird, shirtless guy. There I lay, a fresh cut on the top of my hand where his shoes had dug into it, my head aching, and my leg crushed by this guy that had fallen on to me. And all he cared about was the beauty sitting next to me. And I don’t blame you, Nick. Lily is stunning. Anyway. In case you all didn’t know, that’s how they met. He fell on top of me, didn’t notice for 45 seconds, and they fell in love immediately. Though they danced around each other for a year before they even started dating.”

“Please don’t tell them about our first date.” The bride said, her face turning a brilliant red.

“Let me tell you about their first date!” Bella said, waving her friend off. The crowd laughed. Jasper couldn’t take his eyes off of this woman, off of Bella. The last time he had seen her, she was a frail girl, just 18, and she had had fear coming off of her in waves as she gazed at his pitch black eyes. He pushed that aside. “How many of you know about their first date? No one? Okay. Excellent.” She laughed lightly, though evil mirth was rolling off her.

“They invited me. I don’t know why. Maybe because I was a mutual friend. She was scared he was scared I don’t know. But they asked me to come. And he asked me to drive. He reached into the glove box because he’s a snoop. “You have condoms in your glove?” he asked me on the way to pick her up, to which I replied with a ‘yes, of course. You can’t have sex in my car, though.’ He nodded his head, his face turning green as we approached her dorm. She was waiting outside. And she looked so cute, in a little white sun dress and sun hat. Truly, a sight to be seen, though she always is.” Bella sent the bride a smile, who tried to glared back. “Anyway. She gets in. He moves to the backseat. I am now, officially, their free chauffer.

“She tells me to take us to her favorite food joint. And I was skeptical, because the last time we went there- well, lets just say neither of us came out of that feeling great. We approach, and Nick asks ‘What place is this?’ to which Lily replies ‘It’s the best seafood you’ll ever have in your life!’ He was skeptical, giving the excuse he had never tried it before, but went in anyway. Well. What he _didn’t_ tell us is that he is dangerously allergic to shellfish. Like. Deathly allergic.” Carlisle scowled a bit.

Lilliana put her head in her hands. “So we sit down, I’m third-wheeling like I never have before in my life, and I take the reigns and order surf and terf for all of us. Impressive, I know, for poor college students. But, let me tell you, when I say we didn’t come out of there feeling great it wasn’t because either of us were allergic to the food. No, as delicious as that place was, it was closed down a year later because it was not up to standards.” Bella laughed. I couldn’t look away from the woman standing on the stage. She was so different that the Bella I had known.

“So, an hour in, and Lily becomes really sick. Like. Has to run to the bathroom or she’ll explode at the table sick. She’s gone for a few minutes, and I start to notice that Nick has been really quite, his voice scratchy, and his face is like. Turning red and swelling. And I’m no doctor, but I’ve known doctors in my life and I can’t immediately tell that something is wrong.” Bella laughs, shaking her head, and Liliana groans.

“So I get this text message ‘SOS NEED NEW CLOTHES’ in all caps, and as I look up from my phone and Nick is like. Passing away. He gestures at his bag that’s hanging off of the back of his chair, my phone is ringing as Lily is trying to call me from the bathroom, doing god knows what, and My friend is slowly passing out in front of me.”

“Thank God my ex’s dad was a doctor. I don’t know what came over me, but I was able to stab him with his epipen, call the ambulance and then FINALLY make my way to the bathroom stall, which was a blood bath all it’s own. Lily, poor Lily, Is sitting on this gross floor, with mysterious stains on the front of her dress, he hat having fallen into the toilet ‘Please don’t tell him about this. Call me cab or something’ she begs me ‘Don’t worry. He’s gone, uh, I called an ambulance’ so I explain everything that happened, give her my extra change of clothes in the back seat of my car, and we make out way to the hospital to make sure he’s okay. And here we are, four years later.

“Sorry, I’m almost done”.” She smiles, lighting up the room.

“Thank god.” Nick laughs.

“Anyway, my dad used to always say that you can’t be with someone you can’t be your complete self around, and I think the love that Lily and Nicky share shows that. Their first meeting was, well... less than spectacular, and their first date was, well, a complete disaster. But they never gave up. They work at loving each other and being together, as one, and their love is something I admire more than I can explain. I don’t know what I look like at my worst, maybe it was my 18th birthday, when I fell out a window,” People laugh, we cringe. How strange that she mentioned that “Maybe my 21st birthday, when I was blackout drunk, and it was Nicky that saved me from falling into the fraternity pool, after throwing up in it... Whatever my worst was, or will be, I hope that I can find someone that loves me the way that Nicky and Lily love each other. They are the purest example of love and happiness I’ve ever seen, and I wish them the most happiness in the world. To Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas and Liliana Woods.” She raised her champagne glass, a sent them a teary smile, before everyone repeated the words and gave a round of applause. “Now, lets eat! And don’t worry, Nick, there’s not shellfish!”

“Thanks, Bella.” He laughed, hugging his new wife to his side and wiping a tear from his own eye.

Everyone seemed to have enjoyed their food, and finally dinner was over. Esme and Carlisle had made their way to the dance floor, Alice was mingling, and Jasper was ignoring the whispers about his appearance. He was trying to decide if he should flee or seek Bella out.

“Carlisle!” Dr. Martin said, grabbing his hand and leading him back toward their table, Alice suddenly appearing beside Jasper. “I have someone I’d like you to meet. Wait here!” His voice was full of mirth, and he was extremely excited about something.

They waited, listening for his voice. They were surprised to hear him say “Don’t worry, Bella. You’ll make a beautiful Bride one day. But in the meanwhile! I have someone I want you to meet. And his son, he’s quite handsome, maybe you’ll hit it off!”

Bella laughed, “Thanks, Diego, But you know I’m busy with work and getting my Doctorate.”

“I know, I know! But humor me. Loosen up a bit, and meet the guy.”

“Okay.” She said. “Who is it?”

“My new Doctor! His family is lovely.”

And with that, they approached, her head was turned, waving at someone else, when he stopped her.

Carlisle and Esme were equally nervous and excited, having not seen the girl they considered another daughter for seven years. Alice was plotting, and Jasper was terrified. Her blood smelled as sweet as he remembered, though not as tempting this time around. He was terrified because the last time she had seen Jasper, he had almost eaten her. Her 18th birthday, where she ‘fell from the window.’

“Bella, this is my new Doctor!” Dr. Martin started, interrupted by her shocked voice.

“Carlisle?”

Her emotions began melting around one another; confusion, shock, upset, anger, loss, slightly broken. Strength. Triumph. Confusion again. Her head snapped around, looking, no doubt, for the three missing from out party, before she sent them each a confused look.

“You know them?” Dr Martin asked, his voice alight, excited.

“Yeah, uhm, Diego, I appreciate you wanting to set me up with their son, but we’ve actually already dated before.” She laughed awkwardly.

“Oh! You dated Jasper?”

Bella’s eyebrows shot up, her eyes making their way toward him. “No,” She said, not breaking eye contact, “I dated Edward.”

“Edward?” Dr. Martin asked. Esme was suddenly scrambling, trying to find an excuse for the absence of this new son. “I didn’t know you had another son.”

“He’s uh, he’s not often around.” Carlisle said, clearing his throat.

“Oh, where is he?” Dr. Martin asked. Bella look at him briefly before her eyes scanned them again, full of confusion.

“He’s, uh,” Carlisle started, but was interrupted by Alice.

“He’s actually in rehab!”

Humor coated over Bella’s confusion, but she didn’t say anything. Esme scolded, “Alice!”

“What, it’s true.” Alice shrugged her shoulders. Esme was slightly miffed at the accusation of Edward, but nothing could be changed now.

“Oh, well. That’s too bad.” Dr. Martin said. “Well, I suppose you know Jasper, then, Bella! You could still go on a date!”

“No, I couldn’t, he’s already, with A-uh..” Her eyes danced between Alice and I, and I shook my head minutely, so much so that I don’t know if she even saw. “Dating someone?”

“They broke up last year. You should dance with her Jasper!” Alice pushed Jasper toward Bella, who backed away in shock, but didn’t turn it down. She took his hand.

“Good! Good!” Dr. Martin clapped his hands. “Enjoy the dance, Bella! Carlisle, walk with me. I’d like you to meet my daughter!”

Jasper, leading Bella to the dancefloor, sent Alice and Esme a look. He wasn’t sure if the confusion he was feeling was his own or Bellas.

Alice sent him a wave. Esme sent a nervous, but loving, smile.

He cleared his throat before putting one hand on her waist and taking a hand in his other. Bella was soft, and warm, and she smelt delightful. She was nervous, but not scared. She seemed to be thinking of something to say.

She didn’t say anything. The stood in silence, looking at one another as the music started to play.

“Lead!” he heard Alice hiss. He snapped out of it, pulling her into a simple waltz, perfect for the music playing.

“I’m not good at dancing.” She finally said.

“It’s okay.” He flashed her a smile, causing her eyes to widen and her heart to race, “I’m a good leader.”

She nodded her head, silent again. They stood at a safe distance, and he sensed her discomfort. “Bella, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable. I know the last time I saw you was, well, I was at my worst, but I promise I’m in control.”

She made eye contact quickly, before she smiled at him. “Jasper I’m not scared of you. I never was.”

“What?”

“Jasper, you’re an empath right?” he nodded. “So that means you feel other’s emotions?”

He nodded again.

“Well, that night, no one was more tempted than Edward was, but everyone…well, everyone was a little focused on the giant wounds on my arm, but you were feeling all of that. Five vampires, suddenly thirsting for my blood,” She whispered, looking around to make sure that no one was close enough, “No, that wasn’t you. You were feeling five other’s emotions. I was never scared of you, Jasper.”

He had never thought of that before. All these years, all the struggles he’s had resisting the allure of human blood. He hadn’t even noticed that it was less strong when he wasn’t around the other. And the fact that Bella as Edwards singer? He had truly never realized the effect that must have had on him. Why hadn’t anyone known?

She looked deeply into his eyes. They had stopped dancing, standing somewhere in the middle of the dancefloor. He didn’t move, and neither did she. Her emotions were pure, he could feel that she was being honest. She was nervous, but not scared. She wasn’t scared. _“I was never scared of you, Jasper.”_

No one had ever been so honest with him.

No one had ever _not_ been afraid of him, or of him making a mistake. He was used to fear being directed at him. But this, this was a first.

He blinked involuntarily.

“Thank you, Bella.”

She beamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow hello i lost the competition again, but like weeks ago so this is sups late. sorry about that.

The world, for a moment, was quiet around them. 

The moment ended when another dancer bumped lightly against Bella. She stumbled slightly but regained her balance. She looked at Jasper and laughed. He smiled back. 

“You know, I had never thought of it that way before.” 

“Thought of what?” She asked. He twirled her once and brought her back into his arms. 

“I had never attributed my blood lust to those around me.” 

Shock rippled between them, radiating around Jasper. “Really?’ 

“Really.” he nodded. 

“Well, then you’re kind of dumb.” 

His lips twitched. "I suppose I am. How did you figure it out?” 

“It’s kind of obvious.” She shrugged. “I’m sure you remember when we were hiding from James in Arizona?” 

“How could I forget?” 

“Exactly. Well. If you were really, truly, so bloodthirsty for me do you _really_ think you would have been able to drive a car with me for hours. And then stay in the hotel room, without any problems?” 

He was thoughtful. He hadn’t really thought about it. “i suppose I attributed that to the greater threat of your life.” 

She nodded, a small smile on her face. “Well, whatever you attributed it to, I figured it out after you all left.” 

He nodded. 

“Bella! Care if I interrupt?” A young man interrupted. Jasper recognized him as the man Bella had walked down the aisle with. 

Jasper let go of Bella and sent her a smile. “If you have time later, Bella, please stop by my families table. 

“Okay!” She smiled, her eyes lighting up the room. She turned and smacked the other man on the arm. “It’s so rude to interrupt, Brandon.” 

He shrugged and linked his arms around her waist. He kissed her cheek as they waked away. Jasper returned to his table.

The Cullen’s did not mingle much after the dance floor opened, choosing instead to stay at their table. They were approached by some people, though it was most often one of Carlisle’s coworkers. They made small talk with their table mates and chatted amongst themselves. The subject of Bella was not broached for some time.

Esme, who was seated farthest away from the dancefloor, turned in her chair. Her hair fell around her shoulders, and she had a soft smile on her face. Jasper could feel that she was happy.

“She looks lovely.” She nodded her head, indicating that Jasper should look behind him. He turned his head away from the menu and his eyes quickly found her. She was seated at the front of the room, next to the bride and groom, and she wore a smile that lit up the room. The deep purple of her dress looked lovely against her pale complexion, her neck was adorned in a pearl necklace, and she wore matching earrings. She had always been beautiful, Jasper knew, but today there was something different about her. There was an air around her that indicated she had grown, matured, into the stunning young woman before them. She looked happy.

Jasper wished he had been around to watch it happen.

Finally, after seeming to have mingled with everyone in attendance, Bella stood before them, a smile on her face, and an air of confidence about her.

“Care if I sit?” She asked, sitting before anyone could answer. Their table mates were somewhere.

“Of course not, Bella.” Carlisle said. “We are thrilled to see you.”

“Thanks.” She said, reaching for Alice’s glass of untouched champagne. “So. Rehab?”

Jasper laughed, feeling truly mirthful for perhaps the first time ever. “That is a new one.” He chuckled, “I don’t think we’ve ever used that excuse for any of us.”

“No, we haven’t.” Esme frowned. “It is not the greatest excuse that anyone has ever come up with.”

“I’m sorry, Esme. It just kind of came out.” Alice said around a smile. She wasn’t lying, but it was funny. Jasper smirked. “Anyway,” Alice waved her hand dismissively, “He’s currently on some soul-searching mission. Last we heard, he was in Portugal.”

Bella nodded her head thoughtfully. “Where are Rosalie and Emmett?”

“Currently, they are in Rome.” Jasper said. “It’s their, what, 80th anniversary?”

“Yes.” Esme said, “It is currently just us. We just moved here three months ago. And what a happy accident! We had no idea you lived here, well, I suppose Alice might have.” Esme sent Alice a sharp look, “We are so happy to see you again. We are so excited to have you with us!”

“That is,” Carlisle interrupted, “if you would have us. Last time we saw you was, well, terrible really. And we would be completely understanding if you didn’t want anything to do with us.”

“Oh, that’s not the case.” Bella smiled, “That was a while ago. It sucked, truly, when you left and I was in a, well, not a good place for a while, but I’m better now. And I’m happy to see you.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Alice cheered, “You can come over every day, if you want!”

Bella seemed to be surprised but smiled none the less. “That would be nice, but I don’t actually live here.”

“Oh.” Esme’s face fell, before she smiled warmly. “Well, you’re welcome to visit us whenever you please.”  
“Where are you living?” Jasper asked.

“I live down in Portland.”

“That’s a far way to come, for a wedding.” Carlisle observed.

“Well, it’s not a terrible drive. Only about four hours. But Lily and I met in college. We both went to University of Washington. Lily and I alternated vacations between staying with Charlie or with her family here in Vancouver. I’m used to the drive. I think the border workers hate me.” She laughed.

“What did you study?” Jasper asked.

“I studied psychology. I’m currently working toward my PhD, at the University of Oregon.

“Oh, wow!” Alice exclaimed, “That’s so cool! You must be really busy.”

“Yeah, I suppose. What brought you guys here?”

“Well, I received a job offer I could not turn down, and we were looking for a new place to stay, so we thought it might be time to come back. It’s been a few decades since we’ve lived in Vancouver.”  
“Instead of enrolling Alive and Jasper in high school, we figured we’d them start in college.”

“We can stay here longer, since the city is bigger.” Esme added.

“That makes sense.” She nodded thoughtfully. “what about you and Jasper?” She asked, tilting her head toward Alice.

“Currently, I am an undecided major.” Alice said, “I currently just taking some of the more interesting classes that are offered here. I don’t know what I’ll end up getting a degree in.”

“I’m currently studying American History. I’ve done it in the past, a couple times, but things are so different now, that I wanted to see what has changed. So far, I’ve been pleased with the accuracy of the past. I’m always so tired of the white washing of the history. I’m also taking a psychology class. Maybe you can help me out with that.” Jasper drawled, a light smile on his lips.

“Well, let me know if you do need help! I can give you my contact info.”

“I’d like that.” He said, not breaking eye contact.

“We’d _all_ like that.” Esme added.

The song changed, and Bella’s eyes lit up, and Jasper felt her excitement spike. Her eyes met his, and she smiled brightly.

“Jasper, would you like to dance?”

“Sure.” He said. “Pardon me.” He said to his family.

Alice and Esme met eyes behind Carlisle’s back. Esme winked.

The song was slower than the previous one they had danced to, but not boring. The words were light and the melody carefree. The singer sang about heartbreak and healing.

“This is my favorite song.” She smiled.

“I’ve never heard it before.” Jasper responded.

“Do you like it?”

“So far, yes.” He said. He felt content and warm, his insides fuzzy in a way he had never experienced. He ignored it, though. He was sure it was just residual feelings of the people around him, including the bride and groom.

His left arm was around her waist, lightly pressing her into him, and his right hand held hers. She looked up at him before taking her own arm from his waist. The pace of the song picked up slightly, and she pulled away from him, keeping their hands clasped. Jasper got the hint, and spun her out, before spinning her back in, her chest against his back for a moment. He spun her out again and twirled her, making her laugh. “You’re a good dancer.”

“Well, thank you. You’re not too bad, yourself.” He paused. “You look lovely, by the way. This color suits you. And I like what you’ve done with the hair.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “I decided to lighten it just a couple weeks ago. I felt like a change. I just added some high lights.”

“Well, they looks great.”

“Say, do you think that you could dye your hair?”

Jasper raised an eyebrow, “Do you think I need to?”

“No, not at all. you’re hair is perfect. I just wonder, like, do you think you could? Because, you’re like-“ She lowered her voice, “not human.”

He let out a laugh-a louder one than he ever has, he thinks- “You know, that’s actually a good point. But I think I could do it. I just think the going back to this color would be impossible, since I don’t grow hair. Or maybe it will regenerate.”

“Well, don’t you dare try and get rid of your golden locks, goldie locks.” She mock scolded, “but, I’m defiantly gonna get Emmett’s phone number from Alice. And I am _definitely_ going to suggest it to him.”

“Rose may not appreciate that.”

“Meh, it’ll be okay.” She shrugged. “She never liked me anyway, there’s no reason for me to try and get her to like me.”

“I feel like she’d like you now. She never hated you.”

“I know.” Bella smiled.

The song drew to an end, but they didn’t let one another go, swaying together well into the next song. She let out a sigh, and Jasper felt her content and comfort.

He took the opportunity. “I know we’ve talked a little bit about it.” He hesitated, “But I just wanted to formally apologize. For what happened on your birthday.”

“Oh, Jasper.” She said, her emotions swirling into something less happy, but not dark, not scared. “I never blamed you for that.”

“But you should.” He said seriously.

“No, it wasn’t your fault. And it never has been. And it never will be.”

“But the fear, the fear you felt in that moment. It’s haunted me.”

“Well, yeah, I was scared. I had just cut my finger in a room full of vampires.” She whispered furiously, though there was humor in her tone. “but I was less scared of what would happen to me, than I was scared about how you all were going to feel in that moment. I knew that, whatever happened, was not anyone’s fault. And then Edward flung me into the table, and things just got worse. But it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just a terrible moment in a chaotic world. But I never blamed you, or anyone else. I never stopped loving you, even though we didn’t know each other well, and even at the worst, when you were coming at me. I’ve only ever loved you and everyone in your family.”

“I’m still sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“I accept your apology.” She said. Jasper felt something lift from him. He’s never had anyone say that to him, he realized. “But, now that you’ve done that, and now that I’ve accepted it, I’m going to ask you a huge favor.”

“Go for it.” He breathed out.

“Please, don’t blame yourself. And be kind to yourself. And don’t ever apologize to me about that again.”

He paused. Be kind to himself. “I don’t think I’ve ever done that. But I’ll do my best.”

She smiled. “Okay.”

“Okay.” He smiled back.

The second song ended. She sighed. “It’s getting late, and unfortunately, I’ve got to help Lily get ready to leave.”

“Okay.” He did not let go. Neither did she.

“There you are!” the same man from earlier said, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He laughed.

Bella finally pulled herself away from Jasper’s arms, turning her head to the man behind her and smiling. Her emotions were a whirlpool, a little bit of everything. But there was something heavy and bittersweet there, too.

“Hey, Brandon.” She said. “I’ve gotta go get Lily ready, then we can go home, yeah?”

“Okay.” He smiled, grabbing her hand and kissing her cheek. “I’ll go pull my car around.”

“See you soon.” She said as Brandon bounded away. “I’ve got to go.” She said.

“You dating him?” Jasper asked, curious.

Her eyebrows scrunched, “I don’t think so.” She finally stated seriously.

Jasper laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella waved to her best friends as the car drove them away toward the hotel. She let out a relieved sigh as the car finally made its way out of sight. The first thing she did was pull the pins out of her hair and throw them into her purse. She kicked Brandon, who had fallen asleep on the bench outside the door, to tell him she was ready to go.

He let out a loud yawn as he stretched his arms above his head. “That took longer than I was expecting it to.” he noted, checking the time on his watch.

“Yeah, I'm sorry. Lily started panicking about the honeymoon. As if they haven't been dating for years.” Bella rolled her eyes. “Ready?”

Brandon nodded his head, sending her a bright smile.

“You sure you’re good to drive?” She asked. He had agreed to be the sober one tonight.

“Yeah, I'm fine I promise. The only drink I had was the glass of champagne at dinner.” He opened the door for her and climbed in on the other side.

“Tonight, was fun.” Bella said, slipping her high heels off and adjusting her seat back. “They seem really happy.”

“Yeah.” He agreed, “you seemed to be having a good time, too.” He looked at her from the corner of his eye.

“Yeah.” She smiled. Her mind raced over the night. The last people she had expected to see at the wedding was the Cullen’s. But of course, there was no escaping them, really. She had learned that all those years ago. It was like a chapter of her life had ended with their appearance, like closure. She was excited to turn the next page. She’d been stuck on this one for a million pages. “Yeah, I did.”

“Who was that guy, the blond one?”

Oh, Jasper. What a surprise it had been to see them, and for him to be so open with her. She was shocked when they were able to share such an open conversation. It had made her all warm and fuzzy inside. She felt more at peace with him than she had ever felt with anyone, and she didn’t know why. They had hardly spoken before.

“He was an old friend. My first boyfriends' brother, actually.” She chuckled, remembering their excuse. “I found out that the boyfriend is in rehab. I haven’t seen them since high school, so it was- it was weird, but it was nice.”

“He seemed smitten with you.” Brandon smirked, “He couldn’t take his eyes off you the whole night. Do I have some competition?”

“Oh, shut up.” She pushed his shoulder lightly. “What do you mean, he couldn’t keep his eyes off me?”

“Exactly that. He was only looking at you. Even when you weren’t dancing.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Bella shook her head.

“Whatever you say, doll.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Brandon laughed.

They made the rest of the drive home without much fuss, and when they finally entered their apartment, she was only able to get her dress off and plug her dead phone in before she passed out on his bed instantaneously.

She awoke the next morning alone and with a raging headache. She rolled to her side and reached for her phone, immediately turning the brightness down.

She had several notifications, some from Lily, some from Charlie, one from the wedding photographer, and most surprising, a text message from an unfamiliar number.

_Hey, It’s Jasper. I hope that you don’t feel too sick this morning._

She smiled lightly, pleased that he had reached out. She only hoped the rest of them would as well. She had forgiven them all so long ago. She wanted them to be in her life again, somehow, if only occasionally. She had truly loved them all.

She composed a message back.

_I feel like shit._

She laid in bed staring at the celling for several minutes before she decided to give in to the inevitable misery of her hangover. Just as she was climbing out of bed and contemplating her breakfast and her life choices (she had decided on toast only, and never drinking again) her phone chimed. She grabbed it and smiled at the message.

_Alice said not to do toast. You’ll feel better if you do eggs._

She responded

 _Eggs it is. Also, she can text me it's okay._ She added a winky emoji.

She left her phone on the counter, playing some soft music, as she prepared the breakfast. She ignored the chiming of her phone, knowing it could be no one other than Alice, and knowing that Alice would know she would respond later.

At first, she struggled to get the eggs down, turned off at the idea of any food, but the more salt she took in, the better she felt. She braved the shower, next.

As she watched yesterday's makeup flow down the shower drain, she thought of Edward.

He had truly turned her life upside down, over and over and over and over again. Those first few months after he had left her and she had gotten lost in the woods, she was a shadow her herself, and a shadow of a person. She hadn't known what to do with her life then, because her life as she had known it had left her feeling like nothing more than a _scrap of trash._

_For weeks, she had sat in her room, isolated from the world around her, and let the days pass by in a blur. She didn’t remember most of it, until Charlie came into her room one weekend with her mother following behind him. She was laying on her bed and she had pretended to be asleep._

_“She’s sleeping.” Charlie said, surprised._

_“Charlie, what are we going to do?”_

_“I don’t know, Renee.” He said softly, a hand brushing hair from Bella’s forehead. “I'm scared.”_

_“Me too.” The two stood silently for a moment, watching their daughter sleep._

_“She reminds me of myself, after you left.” Charlie whispered. “I did the same thing. Close myself from the world.”_

_“I’m sorry.” Renee whispered back. “I didn’t know.”_

_“It breaks my heart. Watching her like this. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have asked her to stay.”_

_“She wanted to stay.” Renee said._

_“Last year, before the ballet incident, when she ran out of my house and ran to Arizona, she said she didn’t want to be stuck here, she didn’t want to end up like you.” he paused, “It broke my heart. She apologized, later and said she wanted to be here, but I worry constantly that she was just saying that. I know she only wanted to be here for him. But that’s okay. I made the selfish decision to let her stay, even though I thought she didn’t really want to be with me.” his hand paused on head, and Bella’s heart ached. “I don’t want her to feel that way. And having her here has been the best time of my life. But I don’t want her to go through any of this shit anymore, Renee. I don’t want her to feel trapped here because of guilt, or thoughts that he’ll come back.” He choked on his words, “I think it’ll be best if she goes back to Florida with you, for a new start.”_

_“It’s not selfish to want your child to be with you.” Renee soothed. “But if you think that’s best, we can start making arrangements. She’s still a minor.”_

_They were silent for a few more minutes before Charlie leaned over and kissed her forehead and tucked her into her bed. She cried after they left._

_The next day, she had gone downstairs, still broken inside and not ready to face the world, but ready to try. She gave Renee a hug and they all ate breakfast together for the first time since she was a small child. It was nice. She refused to go to Florida._

_“I like Forks.” three words she never expected to say, but they were truthful. “Please don’t make me go.” They hadn’t, on the condition that she attend counseling._

Bella rinsed the shampoo and added conditioner.

_It had helped. The biggest help, though, came a year and a half later at her graduation._

_She had returned to school, back to the model student, though more reserved than before. She had lost a lot of her friends, the bridges burnt when she went off the rails. She had held on to Angela, and oddly enough, Jessica. She attended class events, after school trips, and weekly counseling. She even dabbled in dating (none of it lasted.) Finally, as her high school career came to a close, after she had made decisions about schools, after sweat and tears and heartbreak, she was graduating at the top of her class. She turned down the valedictorian speech, passing it to Angela instead._

_When she walked across the stage and shook the hand of her principal, she had heard her parents cheering for her. She smiled. She never told anyone, but from behind the stage she swears she had heard her name said in a silky, melodic, angelic voice. “Bella.” She turned her head, finding nothing. She walked off the stage. As she sat back in her seat, her eyes met his._

_Edward had shown up, she could see him standing in the forest. Her heart had raced, but it held fast, not breaking._

_“It’s a little creepy.” she said under her breath. She swears she had seen him smile. She hadn’t known at the time, why he was here, and she was surprised at herself that she hadn’t lost it. She wasn’t going to lose it. “Thank you.” she had whispered, and he disappeared._

_That evening, when she finally made it home, she had found a note on her bed, written in his elegant scrawl._

_I’m sorry. Check the loose floorboard under your bed. And congratulations on graduating._

_When she had the box of all the items, he had stolen from her, she was angry. But then she was grateful. She no longer felt insane. She had always known that he was real, because the people around her had known him, but she often felt insane, because where was all the evidence? She talked to her therapist about it, and the two figured he had done that with the hope she would find it and know he had loved her, though he failed in epic proportions._

_She went back and she tucked the box safely away in the closet, and later added the contents into a memory book. She moved to college four weeks later._

She sighed heavily, but her mind was clear.

How easily she had been ruined by Edward. And everyone around her had to pick up the pieces he had left scattered all around. Charlie had been her rock. He was her rock.

 _I wonder what he would think of the Cullens now? Of Edward being in rehab?_ She laughed to herself.

When she got out of the shower, she didn’t open the text from Jasper or the texts from Alice. Instead, she opened her phone and sent;

_Thank you, Dad. <3 _

He responded with a question mark.


End file.
